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dude, if i'd have a dick, i'd picture it and post it and write down that it's a tooth fairy. because it's what i want it to be

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• A few years ago, a mother and father decided they needed a break, so they wanted to head out for a night on the town. They called their most trusted babysitter. When the babysitter arrived, the two children were already fast asleep in bed. So the babysitter just got to sit around and make sure everything was okay with the children. Later that night, the babysitter got bored and went to watch TV, but she couldn't watch it downstairs because they did not have cable downstairs (the parents didn't want children watching too much garbage). So, she called them and asked them if she could watch cable in the parent's room. Of course, the parents said it was OK, but the babysitter had one final request… she asked if she could cover up the angel statue outside the bedroom window with a blanket or cloth, at the very least close the blinds, because it made her nervous. The phone line was silent for a moment, and the father who was talking to the babysitter at the time said, "..Take the children and get out of the house…we will call the police. We do not have an angel statue." The police found all three of the house occupants dead within ten minutes of the call. No statue was found.



• Mother and father get little tired from building Communism, so they want to go to Moscow to buy vodka. They call most trusted babysitter. When babysitter arrives, children already sleep in beds. Babysitter just sits around and make sure everything good with children.
Later that night, babysitter gets bored and goes to read Marx, but she can’t read downstairs because there’s no electricity (parents dodn’t want children reading Marx all night long). So, she calls parents and asks if she can get candles to read Marx in their room. Of course, the parents say it okay, but babysitter has one final request.
She ask if she could cover up Lenin statue outside the bedroom window with blanket or cloth, because it makes her nervous. Phone line is silent for moment, and father who say, "Take children and get out of house. We will call milita. We do not have Lenin statue."
Militia find all three of house occupants dead because KGB kill them for trying to cover Lenin statue. Then militia arrest parents for not having Lenin statue. Such is life in Moscow.







• So, I'm sitting here on my couch, which is pushed to my computer and the rest of the room is to my back. I'm watching TV and jacking off when I hear this really menacing cackle from behind me. I shit too many bricks to sit up and look behind me, so I just slowly moved my head to the left, where I saw my cat.
It was stating either blankly or terrified, at the space right behind the couch, and perfectly frozen in a position I don't normally see it in. I just watched watched it, imagining what kind of evil it saw right behind me, but then I noticed something.
It started stretching and contracting its back. It was taking a shit, and the cackle was just it farting. It was staring because it was focusing. I nearly threw up trying to clean it up. God dammit.

there's nothing better than when one of you is wearing your favourite t-shirt when fucking) idk

don't know what i want to see most - my favourite band or my favourite you.

до конца дня осталось 16 минут а я так ничего и не сказала, что хотела, только двумя песнями, но это совсем не то

Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра